Ignore

Almost everybody I know has a very definite opinion about how my life should go. They all agree that I should go to college. Some think that it would be foolish and dangerous to go to a secular college. Some think that I shouldn't waste my money on an expensive private college. Some think that I would be stupid to listen to people who tell me to go to a Christian college. They think that it would be silly and against the whole idea of college to go to such a "narrow-minded" place. I should not conform, I should branch out and push boundaries... by conforming to the currently popular chant of diversity. The people I have talked to about not finding many others of the same interests think that I should go to a "diverse" and open-minded secular college... to find people of like mind. ? Am I the only one who thinks that they are sending mixed signals? If I am looking for people with similar interests, shouldn't I look at a college with people who are similar to me? Such as Christians who are interested in small colleges? Some people think that I need to have the full "college experience" meaning living in a dorm. Others encourage me to look beyond college and save money (what money?) for life afterwards. Personally, I could not care less about the "college experience". Gaining knowledge for both practical purposes and just to know it, yes. Some social experience, sure. Having a long and expensive and uncomfortable experience, why? Because everybody else does? For some sense of camaraderie? To learn how to get along? How to deal with annoying women? And Now it is tomorrow and I am not so irritated. Must go finish Paradise Lost.

one man circus

I just had a panic attack. An Oh-My-Gosh-I'm-supposed-to-be-an-adult panic attack. I feel like I am being left behind, thrust forward too quickly, and possibly told to juggle 5 of my favorite knives all at the same time. Most of the time, I just deal with it without thinking. Then I get cocky until something happens to knock me down a peg (or 10). Such as forgetting the password to an important...something. I try not to be like the average American and actually use different passwords for different things. However, there is a reason most Americans use the same password. By the way, xkcd had a comic about passwords that was something I had only sort of vaguely wondered about. Obviously it was one of the (many) things that I should pull out of the cloud of fog that is the upper region of my brain and examine more closely. I shall post here. Several hours later... I had a lot of things that I was going to say today. But now it is late and I am tired. Maybe I will finish this tomorrow. Read Radical!

Drama

Dinner: Barley and Vegetable Saute. Delicious.
Dessert: Oreo Cupcakes (). Magnificent.
After-dinner games: Chinese Checkers, chess, and mancala. Thoroughly enjoyable.
Currently: working on the History of Euria and listening to the Screwtape Letters. Perfectly pleasant.
Later: will watch Tangled on Netflix. Relaxing.

All in all, a wonderful evening.
I wish that I could sketch. I can, of course, but the end result looks like something an untrained seven-year-old would draw. I may look into this in my free time this semester (haha). one week until school starts. I am not ready. I have to go buy my books tomorrow. I just finished the drama camp that I run last week. It was hard, confusing, stressful, expensive, time-consuming, and totally worth it. I had 21 kids (ages 8-14) and 5 helpers. Some were rambunctious and some were quiet. Some loved to sing, and some were scared to death. All of them did an amazing job. Even the ones who stammered or were monotone did much more than they could have at the beginning of the week, so I was thankful. It was amazing to hear them all sing Consider Yourself. 7 kids sang Your Fault from Into the Woods. They learned it in less than 4 days. And did it a Capella. My one seven year old and my one 14 year old sang He'll never know (From Frog and Toad all Year) A Capella. Having practiced it onstage twice. Incredible. They learned choreography and music and skits (Skitguys.com is amazing, by the way. Sooooo funny and nice!) I rediscovered what amazing friends I have. I said "Hey, I'm doing a drama camp in a few weeks. Would you like to give up 6 hours of your day without any kind of pay to help me?" They didn't hesitate. When they got there, I didn't have time to show them anything. I handed them pieces of scripts, gave them kids, and said "go practice this." and they did. Most of them hadn't even heard any of the songs before, but they worked them with those kids while I worked with others. No sheet music, no time to listen to the music beforehand. And I heard not a word of complaint. And then they showed up the next day! They are teenagers! this is not typical! I thank my God, I do not have normal teenage friends! I cannot express my awe and gratitude. It is so humbling to see the self-sacrifice of these 5 teens. I'm tearing up (again). Truly, he who has found a true friend has found a great treasure. It is also humbling to see what those young actors could do in 5 days. I will go write now. Today is the faded blue of an old, sunbleached work skirt.

The Joyful Noise Band and Lava cakes

I often prefer PG pixar or Studio Ghibli animated features to the romantic comedies, British comedies, horror, and thrillers that my friends enjoy. Of course, I also have other friends who like LotR, Doctor Who, Sherlock, the Princess Bride, Finding Nemo, Howl's Moving Castle, the Pirates who don't do Anything, and the Mentalist, so I am not entirely alone. I have very good friends! Netflix has inspired this recent TV-and-movie-watching disease. I have been given two months of free netflix, and am enjoying them thoroughly. Am trying a new recipe from the Moosewood Still Life with Menu cookbook:Tuscan Bean soup. I didn't feel like going to the store (put on decent, non-holey clothes, brush my hair, locate my keys, put gas in the car, clean my glasses, etc.) so I am cheating on the recipe. Actually, I am cheating more than I thought I would be because we do not have any green beans, scallions, or lemons. I could make do without green beans and substitute onions for scallions and lemon extract for lemon juice, but alas, the bottle of lemon extract is just that: a bottle, no extract. I would blame someone for putting the empty bottle back in the pantry, but it was probably me. Dad actually hid the garlic press from me last week. I just recovered it today. I hate to clean it, so I would put it off for last, then wander off and forget about it. Our last try soaking beans didn't go so well, so I am also using canned beans rather than dried beans. Shameful, I know. at least they are organic. Hurricane MiniMotor came through the living room yesterday, and hurricane bake-a-thon came through the kitchen. The result: 6 rich, delicious, molten lava cakes and homemade drums, shakers, tambourines and a flag. We went marching down the street to the Director's mp3player. 76 Trombones! We delivered a lava cake to Punk. Minimotor waved the Joyful Noise Band banner (poster from an old frame taped to a mop handle). We decided on the Joyful Noise Band because there is a fine line between music and making a joyful noise. with our rice-shakers and shoebox drums, we were on the other side of that line. It was huge fun. It is nice to be utterly foolish sometimes. Will explain about my newest tv show discovery tomorrow.

Discoveries and Books

Have bought approx. 45 books in the last two weeks. I have very varied tastes. I bought a dictionary of world history, an encyclopedia of medicinal herbs, The Tale of Despereaux, Huckleberry Finn, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Taggerung, Slaves of the Mastery, Escape from the Island of Aquarius, Silas Marner, Call of the Wild, The Fire Within, Sword Dancer, Herbal Soaps and Cosmetics, Abarat, Run for your life, Taliesin, The Pit and the Pendulum, The Book of Mordred, Dragons, the Thief of Always, Imajica, a book on knife-throwing, Girl in a Cage.... I suppose they are more similar than I thought. The majority is sci-fi/fantasy or classic. There is some historical fiction and technical/research books, but it is mostly fantasy. My new bookshelf is already packed. I think I only have about two more feet of space on my reading room shelf. Will have to ask for another bookshelf for Christmas. Which means that I am making great progress on my library! Eventually, I want to have a good-sized library consisting mainly of child-and-young-adult-appropriate fantasy. In one of my many future-visions, I want an open home/business/something crazy where kids can wander in and out and use my library for free. In my mind, i can see an amazing tree-library (or tower-library, or...) with baskets and shelves full of books and a full shelf near the door with audio books. each audiobook will be on a pre-loaded mp3 player with a basket of ear-buds on the end of the shelf. It will also have a serial number that can be typed into the radio pad in every room to play it out loud. there will also be a couple of computers with a stack of rewritable CDs where people can make a physical copy to take out of the house and return the Cds to be rewritten when finished. I also have a plan for a "discover house." It is a two-story home complete with a dojo/dance studio, stage, puppet stage, costume closet, yarn room, sculpture room, 2-d art room, architecture/fashion studio and, of course, a library. And a paint room where you can paint on the walls. The walls will mostly be covered in white board paint so that the kids can write notes wherever. And there will be a huge kitchen for amateur chefs. Of course, such a building will require a lot of work and cleaning, so the kids will be responsible for labor. It would require a lot of resources, so most people should pay to be a part of it. Just a dream... it has a bedroom suite in the upstairs corner. It is a place that is mostly without internet, cellphones are to be put up in one's locker when one arrives, and it has all the tools one needs to invent, design, create whatever anyone could want. Classes will be available, and some will be required before you can use the equipment, but it will be a lot of free time. There will be boards with new ideas every week. It is a place that will inspire creativity and free Christian thought. At the end of the week, short progress reports or summaries of the week's activities will be due. That is just about all that is required. Ahh, to have such a place without financial burdens.If I could make a living running such a place, I would. I am looking into the finances right now, but I am not certain that such a thing is possible. I wrote a poem about stress a few weeks ago. Today is pale green, like a caterpillar.

Colors

Color is wonderful. This almost sounds wrong, but I am so glad that I am not color blind. I just flipped through a bedding catalogue just to absorb the beautiful colors. I have a jar of colored water in my room that exists only to be that color. It is a lovely deep, light, liquid aqua. I have caught myself staring at it for whole minutes at a time. The best part of going to the baseball field in the evening is watching the range of color in the sky. Even if there is no big sunset, the blues of the sky are magnificent. It last for maybe 45 minutes after the sun has set sometimes. I saw a beautiful scene the last time we were at the field. Most people had left, and it was mostly quiet. There was some talking and laughing at a distance in front of us, but it was somewhat detachted from the moment. The air was warm and dry, and the breeze blew gently. I looked up at the blue-black of the sky, and the pear blossoms were an almost blinding contrast to the sky. The lights from the field reflected off of the white petals, and framed against the dark sky, the trees were beautiful. It was an amazing moment.
I have been looking at house plans, and found this 'castle' plan.

I want a portcullis. Maybe I will upload some of my own plans later. I love underground and tree houses. I also have a plan for a Tower. The first floor is a library. I love it. It involves a ladder, fireman pole, and slide. I also have maze houses, houses with secret passages, and massive luxury mansions. I have yet to create a reasonable house plan, and have been heard to complain that my architect software does not have round doors. Sound familiar? They are common in the Shire... Anyway, today seems to have been all about completely pointless stuffe. Played with my young cousin. Talked to a friend I haven't seen in awhile. Worried about theatre camp I am running. Today is a washed-out red.

Chauvert cookie cutters

I've been reading and listening to the Scarlet Pimpernel, Jekyll and Hyde, and Les Miserables. They are three of my favorite books and musicals. It is remarkable how similar the antagonists are, particularly Javert and Chauvelin. Wow. I just realized that they are both French. Javert and Chauvelin both have ideals and their enemies (Valjean and Percy respectively) destroy or corrupt those ideals. They both become more and more obsessed with those enemies as the enemies continue to evade them. They both adore the government. Javert idealizes and represents the Law, while Chauvelin is the hand of the Revolution. They both consider themselves to be correct. Both mercilessly send criminals to death and lifelong imprisonment. Chauvelin seems understand a bit better that he is not pure. He understands that sometimes he sacrifices morals for what he considers the greater good. Javert, on the other hand, does not seem to accept impurity in himself. However, in the end, he also sacrifices his morals for his country by becoming a spy. He acknowledges that, as a spy, he deserves death. When Percy spares Chauvelin, he is confused, but retains his hatred.
' "Then," Chauvelin murmured aghast, "you grant me my life, you---"

"I am sending you back safely as far as Nimes. What happens to you after that I neither know nor care. You have tried to do me such an infinity of wrong at different times, you still hate me so cordially, you---"

He paused for a moment with firm lips tightly pressed together and slender hand clutched upon his knee.

"You are right there, Sir Percy," Chauvelin murmured between his teeth. "God knows how I still hate you, even after this. You have the power to hit back. Why the devil don't you do it (Sir Percy Hits Back, Chap 39)?"'

Javert also retains his hatred but, unlike Chauvelin's determination, commits suicide. I have always thought of suicide as cowardly, and Javert's death is no different. However, in Javert's character, it is forgivable. His understanding of life and his place in the world must alter if he remains alive. He chooses death over giving up his ideals.

Hyde is different in that he is entirely selfish, having few ideals. He also commits suicide, but his death is entirely out of cowardice and fear of the gallows. He is not a lovable character, but we can pity him and his desperate clinging to his own existence. Today is pale, pale blue like a powder for an aristocrat's wig.