Best Dream Ever

I use "he" because this person is genderless. This is the dream that I was talking about in the previous post. It was incredible. The peacefulness and joy were overwhelming. Yes, it is cheesey. Yes, it is revealing. No, I do not approve of suicide in any form. No, I don't really care. The absolute acceptance was breathtaking. It is difficult, sometimes, to understand that when we die, it won't really matter to the vast majority of the world. only a few out of millions will even realize that you are gone, or that you ever even existed. There was an acceptance of this in the peace and jooy that this person found in his death. I love those moments in life where nothing matters. Pain, joy, family, None of it matters. Those are moments worth living for. Whenn I understand for an instant that I am nothing, everything is alright for a moment. Anyway... here is my beautiful-yet-poorly-written dream.

The End

He sat perched like a cat on the porch railing with his back against the post. No, she thought, not like a cat, more like a tiger. Cats were too cute, but tigers were lithe, silent, and beautiful. It was too strange that this person was sick. Soon, very soon he would be confined to a bed, weak and helpless as a kitten. Somehow, she knew it would not come to that. And the sunset was so beautiful, the pinks and deep purples melding like the verses of a lullaby before melting into a glorious red crescendo. It was hard to worry or even feel pain in the face of such a wonderful end to the day. Peaceful, she decided, looking at everyone's faces. Everyone she loved was gathered around and their faces were peaceful. An uncle pulled out a guitar and a niece pulled out some sort of whistle and everyone instinctively pulled closer together as an impromptu melody quietly filled the air. As the sunset faded slowly away, many said goodnight. He hugged each as they exited. Eventually she and he and their father were all that remained. They talked quietly and intimately for an hour before father sighed and hugged us both tightly. We stood like that for several minutes, then slowly released Victor and went inside, still leaning on one another. I was sad, but I didn't know why then. I think that deep down I knew I was mourning more than the end of the perfect day.

He watched them leave and spared them each a silent tear of farewell, though the deep ache faded quickly until all he felt was peace. Walking down to the fields at an unhurried pace, he gazed at the mountains and stars and wondered how old they were. The stars were doubtless thousands of years old. What would that feel like? He smiled. Surely ants asked the same of humans. "How does it feel to be decades old? I am sure I would not like it." they would say. When he reached the field, he stood and watched the breeze dancing with the trees until the person on the other side of the meadow turned to look at him. Then he understood. Silently they drew their blades. Bowing to one another, they made clear their respect for the other. Smiling slightly they took one step toward one another, then another until they were running. As their blades shattered the silence into a thousand pieces, their hearts were unified and they truly understood the other. The faint smiles grew to their usual grins, though not as reckless as was typical. Again and again they clashed, neither seriously injured though some blood was drawn. The dance continued far past a realistic time period. No words were required for the fierce joy that filled them as their blades shuddered and swung. The breeze picked up until their fierce dance was joined by thousands of dead leaves swirling and leaping. Deep into the night, the moon lit their field and the mountains and stars watched the wisdom and foolishness of these humans. Laughter died first as the end drew near. The dance slowed deliberately until a final fierce clash forced them back. Words finally emerged as they regarded one another. "we have succeeded." He said as the burden finally lifted. "Of course," his partner nodded, "there was no other way." He smiled again. "I have enjoyed it." "But I will not miss it." "Only them." He glanced one final time at the house on the hill, then turned back to his partner. The run was as silent and short as the first one, but instead of a resounding clash, the silence was broken by slightly surprised gasps. Then gently they pulled their swords from the other's chest, staggered backwards, and fell. He gazed up at the stars as his lifesblood pooled around him. He gazed at their numerous twinkling eyes until his vision blurred. Then as he felt himself pulled into relentless, blackest arms, he closed his eyes and thought. It was beautiful.

They found him there the next morning. First she and father came sliding down the hill as the sky once more grew grey and other colors began peeking out from the tips of the mountains. When they saw him from the other end of the meadow, the secret fear was suddenly realized in both of their hearts. Carefully, softly they crept up to look down at him. Tears began to pool in her eyes, but when she saw him smiling gently the tears somehow became unnecessary. They sat with him for a little while, but the longer she sat, the more she understood that this was right and necessary. She would miss him, but she would see him again. And it would hurt more to see him helpless in a bed than to have simply gone on another journey. She even managed a sort of smile as she whispered "I love you." in his ear. Eventually the others who knew him best came wandering down the hill. None of them cried more than a few a tears, for they already knew. father picked him up and gently carried him up the hill as the young morning became the fully-fledged summer day the sun had promised. The others wrapped arms around shoulders for support because the worst was to come. This was his real funeral and the birds played the best music ever heard and the sun draped a golden cloth over his bloodstained shirt. When they reached the house, the peaceful magic fragile as a held breath was again shattered by others wailing and fussing and saying I'm sorry to those who were not. Those who understood pitied those who had not seen him lying in the field smiling. They held the moment like a precious bubble of hope in their hearts for the rest of their lives. For he was gone but the world was still good and he had known it, and been glad.

why is summer white

Why do songs about death make it easier to hang on to life? It gives me peace, not fear; so, why does listening to death songs make me think, "I can do this. Life isn't so hard."? The best dream I have ever had was a death dream. I die in a lot of my dreams, but the focus of this dream was death. It was incredible. I know I sound a bit creepy, but the feeling truly had very little to do with the content, I think. I will give it its own post after I finish writing this. Wathlae s nwe. I wrote a poem several days ago that is better than most of them. Still not very good, but I like it because I wrote it and I can remember my emotions while writing it.
Amazed, I watch an angel
Soar beneath the full, round moon
Carefree

White feathers shone, purely
Light, reflecting wholly
Iridescent

Silently she sang of
Peace beneath and above us
Ethereal

Earthbound caught I never
Realized until she flew
Flightless

Air and peaceful salt-
Water mingle in her hair
Flowing

Wordless (unnecessary)
She laughs, a sound like rain
Pealing (bells)

Pausing before a swooping
Dive, her garments purest sea-foam
Rippling

Constantly inconstant fay
Welcome unchanging sister
Eternal

Together our gazes are
Drawn inexorably up
Higher

The limitless barrier
Of deep blue with tiny keyholes
Vast

Pure, cerulean, cool, deep,
Light, washing, shifting, contrast
Surrounded

The hunter’s aim is true from
Where he hides in crooked brush
Faultless

Her unnatural broken
body stays only a moment
Wispy

Floating limply down from the
Air, she lands as white feathers
Crimson-streaked

I turn away as the man
Takes my angel, his goose, home
Dead

June 1, 2010

I did not realize my angel was a goose until the end. there are several mistakes in punctuation that I acknowledge but am too lazy to fix. (bells) should probably not be there, but am still undecided on which word to use. Why do I get depressed in the summer? Most people get depressed in the winter, and I love the warmth of summer, the green things, the blue sky. I will go talk to dad now. Today is white.
Surrounded by suffocating white
Burning into my retinas
The silence is audible
Pressing in all around
Blurring my vision
Bleaching my sight
Cut off and
Alone
Help

life is good for a laugh

So... I got busy and totally forgot that this existed. If anyone read it, I would apologize, but there is really no point. Only two papers to write/edit this week. Yes! It is so warm! It has been a beautiful for the past few days. It feels like summer should be here anytime, but I still have lots of school. T, Turner, L and I made a music video to the song Life is Beautiful. I was cameraman and poker. It is pretty funny. It took 3 hours to make a 3 minute video. The original plot: Killer kills Sister. Brother hunts killer. Brother finds killer. Killer tries to commit suicide. Brother saves killer. Killer goes to jail. To the song 'Breath' by Breaking Benjamin. The plot once the boys got into it: killer kills sister. Brother hunts killer. They meet at graveyard. Brother kills killer. to the song 'Life is Beautiful' because they liked the music better, although the lyrics make absolutely no sense with that plot. At all. I was just happy that they agreed to do it. We all had a good time.
Life is Beautiful

You can't quit until you try
You can't live until you die
You can't learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie

You can't breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you're the joke
There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don't
I've done things that you won't
There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Alive...
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?


I will try to figure out how to post this vid and one of Nimrod falling in the creek. Today is magenta like our African Violet, soft and sparkly

Not much

I have started a new blog for vegetarians. vegetarianismfortheunadventurous.blogspot.com we'll see how long it lasts. This week's recipes are soups. I am listening to my new Jane Eyre Broadway Soundtrack. I have been cooking, cleaning, reading and listening to my new CDs all day. I have listened to Jane Eyre 3 times and put my two favorite songs on repeat for an hour. I still don't know the words perfectly. Had a TFD except for a few minutes when he came in to spray AXE, also known as human repellent, all over the place. Or maybe he was just wearing an entire bottle. I don't know, but it made my eyes sting and I never came within three yards of him. I've also been listening to my Flyleaf Memento Mori CD. I love This Close, Swept Away, Circle and Missing. And Have We Lost from the bonus Cd. I'm going to go read 'Do Hard Things' now. it's a Good book for Christian teens and maybe adults. Today is hard solid grey. Most of the songs from Memento Mori are on youtube with lyrics.

I had an excellent day. I was talking to James and Ginger about food, healthy eating, recipes, and foods that we don't like. James said that becoming a vegetarian (like me) would destroy his diet. So I decided to post some vegetarian recipes. This one is Cuban black bean and corn soup. We eat a lot of soups. This is my family's favorite. This is a good soup to make ahead because it freezes and thaws easily.
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion
3 cloves garlic
1 red bell pepper
3 15 oz cans black beans, rinsed and drained
2 tbls. vegetable broth
1 1/2 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. ground cumin
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 cup frozen corn kernels

In a large saucepan, heat the oil until hot over med. heat. fAdd onion and garlic and cook, stirring frequently, until the onion is softened. add pepper and cook until soft.
stir in beans and tomatoe paste and cook for 1 min. stir in broth, 2 cups of water, the oregano, cumin and salt and bring to a boil. reduce to a simmer, cover, and cook at least ten minutes. Can be kept at a simmer for up to two hours. Transfer 4 cups to a blender/food processor and puree. Return to pan and stir to blend. stir in the corn and cook until the corn is just warmed through, about four min. Don't forget the corn. That happens a lot.

Today I am listening to Something to Sing About from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer What You Feel soundtrack. http://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=pI_PLAlzWVs I've only watched the first episode of Buffy, but in searches at http://www.allmusicals.com/, (great website with lots of musical lyrics) I came across this episode. A 'dancing demon' comes to town and everyone starts singing as though they are in a musical. It is funny, but also serious. This is one of the serious songs. If you want to listen to a funny one, listen to 'I've got a Theory/Bunnies/If we're together'. Or find a clip of 'mustard'. Lyrics:
Buffy:
Life's a show
and we all play our part
and when the music starts
We open up out hearts

it's all right
if some things come out wrong
we'll sing a happy song
Where there's life
there's hope, everyday's a gift
wishes can come true
whistle while you work
so hard all day
to be like other girls
to fit in this glittering world

don't give me songs
don't give me songs

Give me something to sing about
I need something to sing about

life's a song
you don't get to rehearse
and every single verse
can make it that much worse

still my friends don't know why I ignore
the million things or more
I should be dancing for

all the joy life sends
family and friends
all the twists and bends
knowing that it ends
well, that depends
on if they let you go
on if they know enough to know
that when you've bowed
you leave the crowd

there was no pain
no fear, no doubt
till they pulled me out
of heaven
so that's my refrain
I live in hell
'cause I've been expelled
from heaven
I think I was
in heaven

so give me something to sing about
please
give me something

Spike:
Life's not a song
Life isn't bliss
Life is just this
You'll get along
the pain that you feel
you only can heal
by living
you have to go on living
so one of us is living

If I made a mistake, I apologize. I should have just posted a link. Obviously. Silly me.

The first verse is interesting. The lyrics and body language are sarcastic for the second bit, but you would never be able to tell just by listening to her voice. I feel like that sometimes. Such a wonderful world we live in. People killing each other, people starving to death on one continent while warehouses of food rot away on another, people killing cildren before they even take their first breath. Then I wonder why that matters. Aren't they better off? But everyone deserves the chance to live. Even most of those with no freedom, can choose to live or die, right? Maybe I'm naive and have not truly experienced the bitterness of life yet, but I think that the taste of dove chocolate that I had earlier has been worth all of the life I've lived up until now. That stuff is divine. And there is still most of a bagful left... Back to the lyrics. Give me something to sing about. Dove chocolate, mountains, sunsets, lying on the bottom of a pool or lake and looking up through all of the water, turning somersaults in said water, the feeling of water running down your throat after a run, a student executing a perfect sidekick, chocolate, being quiet, being loud, singing at the top of your lungs when no one can hear you, I need to stop now. Despite all of these things, I still have to remind myself sometimes that life is so good. second verse: same idea of life being a show, a song, a game. Both inthe show and song, there is a feeling of destiny. Personally, I don't believe in destiny. Life could maybe be compared to a game though. We are given certain things at birth: talents, resources, and influences. It's up to us how we use them. We can also choose a goal: fame, wealth, a family, Christlikeness. There are many smaller goals on the way, and your goal may change. But you can't distill life down to a formula. Still, not much should truly be taken seriously in my opinion. In the fourth bit, we learn why Buffy does not love life. I can not even imagine how horrible it would be to be taken from heaven and dragged back to earth. By your friends. Anyway, even when I'm not thinking about all of this, I love this song. funny story of the day: The CD I got Gran was the fourth one. So It will be returned. But RuRu's gift card for Coldstone Creamery was liked. Today is black and peaceful. Like a certain machete... (drool) I will probably be posting again later. I foolishly took a nap, so now I'm wide awake. And just now eating supper: oatmeal with honey, raisens and three formerly frozen cherries. Delicious.

DD and ReRe have been awful all afternoon. Now it's just DD which is worse. I still have no Christmas presents for Ghost or Dad. The slideshow I have been working on insists on making me add transitions between 75 pictures manually. I have seen these slideshows so often that I know the exact order of the pictures. We finally got ReRe to do a serious video, but it took 3 tries. On the first try, he wasn't being serious. On the second, he was being serious, but it was terrible. I won't tell you what he said. On the third, we edited his thoughts beforehand and told him to keep it short. Mine was terrible and didn't make any sense. Nimrod's was perfect (he wrote it out before we filmed). Gertrude's was three words: Hi, popcorn, thanks. Unbelievably DD and Ghost had the cutest videos. MiniMotor was very cute (how could it be otherwise?) but she didn't mention Papa. We did have a lot of funn sleigh riding. Nimrod and I made a really curvy track in the woods. We were walking back up for the last time and realised that it was a pretty crazy track. You start out going down a short but very steep hill, then duck to go under a fallen tree, turn hard to the right to avoid another tree, grab another tree to swing you around in an almost-U-turn (hopefully avoiding another tree by inches) go down another steep hill and brake before you go into the creek. We made another track on the other side of the creek that involved dodging barbed wire, but it didn't work as well. Nimrod started down the path the first time and ran into a tree that was not in his way. He tried again with the same rsult. when he got back to the top, he threw down his sled which hit the roots of a pine tree who then dumped a lot of snow on him. I was laughing so hard that I fell over. I got Gran a susan Boyle CD, but couldn't find anything for Ruru in the twenty minutes I had to do all of my Christmas shopping. Had a nightmare for the first time in years last night. Monster got to Hunter and all I saw was blood splattering against the window. ? I haven't been watching anything gory, reading anything violent, or listening to 'death' music. Which is unusual for me. I have been thinking somewhat violent thoughts toward a certain person though... Huh. Hadn't thought about that. A lot of my dreams are violent and involve a small amount of blood, but not like that. And like I said, they haven't been nightmarish for years. Is it right to refer to dreams as a sickness? I'm sure there is some disorder. ARRRRGGGHHHHH I have to get back to work on my project. Peace! Merry Christmas. Today is artificial blue, like sprinkles on a Christmas cookie.